London is No Place for a Cheap Ass Bitch

The title might be a little deceiving as YES I had an amazing time in London, but very far from cheap. I did choose a lot of free touristy activities such as going to the TATE Modern, lounging in the Green Park, visiting the famous Abbey Road, and walking Portobello Market on a Saturday, but unfortunately it is the Underground Transportation that gets you to all these places that really adds up.

I did however stumble upon the greatest cheap ass accessory of a displaced irish/german/drinker in London...

Yes, that is a liter bottle FULL of Strongbow cider for 3pounds! Yum!

The weather was beautiful, the cider plentiful and I can't wait to see where I end up next.....oh that's right, the Cheap Ass Bitch is taking Boston by storm all summer long...so step aside Massholes, there will be a new bitch in town. But don't worry I am not a Yankee's fan, Go Giants, GO Panda!

Solitary 5.0

If there is any social experiment I want to try it has to be Solitary....a reality TV show that confines you in a small "pod" to perform mental and physical chaellenges for days on end with lack of sleep and food, your only moves dictated by a talking computer not so ironically named "Val".

Val

I don't really want to do the whole TV part of the show, but the locked in a room having only yourself as your worst enemy thing sounds so interesting. How do you know what you are really capable of until you have been sleep deprived, starved and made to wear a gorilla suit while eating numerous bananas?

Bertrum Van Munster you really missed out on this show.

The Cheap Ass Food Report: A New Weekly Column

I have decided my love of food and my love of being a cheap ass must combined into a new weekly column where I rate cheap restaurants in my neighborhood (old favies to new ones)

I was recently introduced to a sandwich shop that has taken over my mind...which is normally over run by the thought of burritos....

Num Pang is a very small Vietnamese sandwich shop located in Greenich village on 12th St right off of University Place. The sandwiches are not very traditional but holy crap I can't stop thinking about them. I have only had the roast pork belly and the brisket, but based on these two sandwiches alone, I am sure they are all delicious, and at $7.50 that are the best damn lunch or dinner a small amount of money can buy.

photo credit - roast pork belly with pear

Ok, so I didn't take that picture...I brought my camera with all intentions of it, but right when I saw that sandwich there was absolutely no time to take a picture before it was in my mouth.

Num Pang

Deliciousness - *****

Price - $

Cheerio, Pip Pip Bitches!

I have always wanted to say that and actually been on my way to the UK...well that time has come...cause I'm on a plane to Heathrow right now bitches!

I was invited a few weeks ago by a friend, but looking at the tickets I was not quite comfortable paying that price....well luck shone down on me (in a scary way) when my flight from SF had to make an emergency landing in Chicago.

"Excuse passengers, we have to make a unscheduled landing in Chicago, as our hydraulic's warning light is blinking, we will be landing shortly" - Pilot

The motors in the plane's wings start to make really loud noises, as I grab onto the arm rests tightly.

"Huhaha, that doesn't sound really good." - man sitting next to me making a joke

"SHUT UP!" - Me yelling.

Needless to say we landed fine, switched planes, only arrived about 2 and a half hours late and were issued $200 vouchers. Good job American!

So with that voucher plus my voucher from this post I was able to buy really affordable cheap ass bitch tickets to London!

So poppy cocks, bullocks and fish n' chips, I am out of here for the week!...but don't worry staying true to my desire to post, I have scheduled posts for while I'm away.

The Newest Addition to My Social Circle

Meet Watson.

Since I was about 19 I told myself I would own a dog by the time I was 26...well I am 26 and I am definitely no where near owning a dog. But thanks to my very good friends for adopting Watson, I now have an awesome dog in my life, who I will always be willing to dog sit.

We spent the day together at the dog park playing fetch and then both headed home for a nap on the carpet, with me intermittently waking up to snap pictures of him.

"Auntie, why you always have that camera in my face while I sleep?"

Watson may not quite be my goal of owning a dog at the age of 26, but he sure as hell is an awesome dude that perfectly fits into my cheap ass bitch life. Love you Watson!

Operating on Naija Time

So I have been a lazy bitch ass blogger since my return from Nigeria...and I while I was in Nigeria I was such a busy Mango I barely posted toward the end. If you haven't already, you can look at photos from my travels at A Mango's Adventures in Nigeria.

Naiji time is defined as the slow and hot pace of life in Nigeria. "Don't worry, Naija time!" At first this was a concept beyond a busy New Yorker like me, but as the 112 degree weather and stress set in, my only option was to operate on Naija time...the problem, I have yet to completely shake Naija time from my system. The Mission Madre was constantly annoyed at my lack of time management while I was in SF...and it seems my blog too has suffered from my Naija time attitude towards it, so here I am.

Nigeria has some amazing dancing...and though I am far far far from being a good dancer or graceful or quick on the dance floor I love to dance. So while in Nigeria, dance like a Nigerian. One of the popular dances is Alantaaa...where you shake your hands up and down your stomach while lifting your legs on every other beat (you are also supposed to distort your face to look crazy).

Learning Alantaaa from a dancer at Blake's (a restaurant/bar)

My favorite gift I got myself while in Nigeria was my Naija outfit. The fabric was a gift from a student, which I then took to a tailor to design a custom made top and skirt, and of course head wrap. The whole get up coast me 3000 Naira roughly $20! And believe it or not, cheesy tourist gifts were so much more expensive than a tailor made outfit.

My favorite activity on returning is dressing in my Naija outfit and greeting my friends with some of my Alantaaa skills!

The Cheap Ass Bitch is Back!

Belated Mother's Day

When I was recently visiting my family in SF, I came across some old family photos...because yes, again my parents were moving apartments...and yes we carried furniture on Mother's Day for our lovely mother....and YES I won't be there for the day the world's heaviest most awkward table will have to be moved.

Mom working the 80s Shredded Sweater and Short Spunky Hair & Her Creepy Clown

Going to the Far Side (of the world..sort of)

So Many malaria, yellow fever and dengue mosquitoes about to be in my life...

photo credit

I will be taking a short hiatus from this blog while I am working in Nigeria...but you can follow my adventures at "A Mango in Nigeria".

photo credit

This second one has no relevance other than it has always been my favorite Far Side since I was little.

Peace out Cheap Ass Bitches! I'll miss you all.

Chatroulette or a Trip into Creepy Town

Anyone tried out Chatroulette yet? I was very tempted after reading about it in New York Magazine and then seeing all those internet pictures of funny things people saw on the site....

So of course I had to try it out...but even more obvious I had to try it out as a ridiculous character. I dressed as an old Pirate wrapped in fur and made crazy faces. I felt like I got a lot of people to laugh, but I was hoping to bump into someone who was equally as crazy, but mostly it's normal ol' people or the perverted people...but nothing silly...except I did enjoy a moment when a girl fed me her spaghetti.

Ramblings of a Sane Lady

The Mission Madre's post about flat sheets got me aware of all the stupid things in life that have pissed me off the last few days...(also don't take this as real anger, I'm actually in quite a pleasant and chipper mood)

So to start, I like to bring my own bag when I go shopping...in fact it folds up nice and small and goes with me everywhere in my purse. I love you BAGGU. So why, when I go shopping do people act all weird when I pull it out? They go to start loading my purchases in a plastic bag and I tell them I have my own (which I always have ready for them)....but time and time again they look at it and then as always stop loading. It's like if I don't use "their" plastic bag then they don't have to load the purchases. Sorry people but a bag is a bag, now load my damn groceries!

Now let me talk a little about adapter plugs...uhhh. Why does every store sell kits of world travel adapter plugs? You think I'm galavanting all around the world traveling to every country that needs a new plug? NO. I'm traveling to one country that needs one type of plug and I need multiple of that plug...not one of every plug! Please correct this time and money wasting mistake...k thanks.

Great White Sharks on the Brain

I have been reading a book about great white sharks the past few days, and I am obsessed! I can't stop thinking, dreaming, and sadly talking about them....and unfortunately I have noticed that if you don't think/dream/care about great whites, you really really don't want to hear someone else talk about them.

So in the spirit of forcing you to think/dream/care about these guys...Come on, how could you not love that face?

So today after I did my fair share of reading, looking at photos and watching youtube clips, and still not feeling like I had my fix of the sharks...I started a new art project...

I'm still not quite done, I think she looks a little too happy and her nose kinda looks like a cat's, but whatever...I love collaging! and I'm sure I'll seal it in with a nice thick layer of decoupage, when the time is right. Now I just got to think of a good name for her...

RENTaurant or a Speak Easy of the Food Variety

The other night I was invited to go to a dinner at someone's house. A normal occurrence it seems...except, I was invited by someone who didn't live there, to a house they had never been to, to a house of people they had never met.

I had no idea what I was walking into, but I guess all over the world these Paladars, which are small, family-run, private-owned restaurants are popping up in people's homes. In fact you can find one in your neighborhood here.

The concept that night was that of a normal restaurant. You make a reservation, show up with your friends (and some wine to keep it extra cheap), order from the menu, eat till you're stuffed, and pay your bill (suggested donation $10-$20)!

The food was amazing! There were dips, delicious soups, two different pot pies with sides and the most fluffy mouth watering dessert.

I was horrible at taking pictures, but I did get this one of my Clam Chowder made from the chef's great grandmother's recipe.


I had the best time and can't wait for the email from Aaron & Megan (the chefs and lovely hosts) letting me know when the next and monthly Rentaurant is happening...I hope its before I leave for Nigeria!

G9 you are my Hall to my Oats...Cause You Make My Dreams Come True!

So as many of my devoted readers (the whole 4 of you) know I am leaving for Nigeria, like really really soon...eeep. I couldn't be more excited to go experience a new culture, way of life, food..basically everything...

So of course I had to buy myself a new awesome camera to capture everything. Now I plan on bringing my film SLR and shooting black and whites, but I also thought it was time to get myself in this thing people are calling "the digital age"...ok, I don't think anyone is calling it that..but you know a digital camera was needed. I wanted something small that I could carry around easily but had all the features of an SLR...(well except for an awesome lens) and also something I could afford...even though I've been ebaying like a mad woman, I couldn't drop more than I few hundred. So after doing all my researched I settled on a beautiful and amazing used Canon Powershot G9. Loves it!

Behold its beauty and my cheezy test shots at home...

gotsta love owls and shallow depths of fields

oooh colors! and seriously I don't need any more nail polish...except black...I don't have black, must go buy nail polish...

So in the end I got my lovely "new" G9, a case, 3 memory cards, charger, 3 batteries, and a cable for $360. Not too shabby...especially since I made that back on my ebay sales....

Also one of my friends, who also has a major love for the G9, gave me this cool little toy called the GorillaPod. Awesome bendable tripod that goes just about anywhere a narcissist would want to take a picture of themself.

Oh look its a narcissist! "Hey There"

Ebay...better than working? Or why my room looks like a Post Office

So I have been trying my hand at making a killing on ebay...yeah that's why I have been so horrible at putting up any new posts...

So it's nothing to quit my day job over, but I've been doing alright. I've been selling mainly things around my hoarded room that I havent worn/used in forever...somethings go for almost nothing...but some others were secret big ticket items...I'm talking like $20!

The best that I racked up though was selling my old unexposed 16mm film for 3x the amount any buy back film company offered me...and the real money makers were a big box of unopened PS3 games my brother sent me last week...I kept one, but the rest straight to ebay!....don't worry folks my brother totally agrees with me doing this....I think....

As they say in they say at in the USPS biz..."NEXT!"

The Gift that Keeps on Giving and giving and giving and giving...Seriously no More Meat for Me

My roommate's brother gave him a giant feast of meat for Christmas...well late Christmas. So on Saturday we made a giant giant dinner of BBQ: jalepeño slow cooked brisket, two racks of ribs, two different types of sausages, Deb Dog's special potato salad, baked beans with a lattice work of bacon, cole slaw, and pecan pie.

Needless to say there was a lot of food to be eaten, and we have been eating it for every meal since....it wasn't until after we made it all did we see the part in the brochure that said serves 30...there were four of us.

a very full oven

baked beans with lattice work of bacon

jalepeño slow cooked brisket

after the feast

The Blue Marlin Plates also made a very fine showing at the feast, shinningly happy and covered in meat. We all know how much I love meat and delicious free meals...but seriously I'm on a brisket overload...

Also I'm finally putting up some not crappy webcam pictures...thanks to the roomie's new Nikon...and perhapse I have a new camera coming in the mail as well...

WOWie Wow Wow! Sometimes things just...

So this was seriously no joke around my neck right now/ me getting home.

Purple Monkey meets Purple Monkey Bandit....Show down at high noon...(que John Wayne music...dun dun dun...)

Night! xo

The Washing Machine Keeps Turning

Oh how things/thoughts/feelings all change so quickly. New York I'm sorry I talked trash. You are toasty warm to me even in the sunshine cold!

xo, PMB

HIFers are my Favorite People

Of course I follow a bunch of other cheap asses who like to blog...but one I have become addicted to checking daily is Hey, It's Free. They are a couple of really funny self-deprecating (my favorite humor) writers who post free giveaways and lots of other free junk they come across on the internet. Now, yes there is a lot of stuff on here that is clearly nothing I need, even if it it free, so beware not to sign up for every freebie you see, or say hello to a mountain of junk mail headed your way...however I have gotten a few really amazing gems from this site.

They always have free magazine subscriptions listed and so I now have my own free Metropolitan Home coming monthly. I love this magazine...must be something I learned from my cheap ass mentor...

Another great find was if you signed up for zappos in a 24hr window you received free next day delivery for life! Not too shabby.

But one of the most fun HIF deals I snatched just came in the mail the other day. I had completely forgotten about some weird link I went to on the site that took me to a hunting game. I had to shoot a bunch of deer (ala big buck hunter style) and then it asked for my address....

Tip: If you ever have to give your address to someone, when writing your last name put the initials of who you gave your address to with it. Example my Metropolitan Home subscription would read: Ms. Purple Monkey Bandit MH. Then when the junk mail starts rolling in I know that anything I receive with MH at the end of my name was sold by Metropolitan Home and I can call and verbally poop all over them. Genius tip from one of my roommates!

....so then a few months later (after I had completely forgotten about this game I played) I got a package in the mail. Inside I found my very own camo hunter's cap...ok so yes this is junk I don't need it...but I also received a $10 gift card to the Pro Bass Hunting Shop.My goal was to go onto the site and buy something that I wouldn't have to spend even a cent on. At first I was thinking I would end up with some pointless fishing tackle or something...but low and behold I found a sweet sweet miracle waiting for me in the clearance home section.

sorry my pictures are getting worse, digital camera battery depleted

Yes, I bought myself a $5 set of Blue Marlin Plates! And anyone who knows me, knows this is probably the most perfect fit. With shipping my order came to $9.97, so if anybody wants $0.03 to the Bass Pro Shop its all yours.

Good night cheap asses, I'm going to go eat tortilla soup out of a giant marlin bowl, jealous?!

Facing My Fears One Blog Post at a Time

For how much ever I love bacon and talking about eating meat...I HATE teeth. They freak me out and give me the chills. Maybe its the fact I had braces for 9 years of my life, the fact that I had major dental surgery that went wrong, or maybe its the tooth fairy Ren & Stimpy episode that was burned into my impressionable brain as a child, but I can't handle loose teeth. Yuck!

So, for the sake of my future and to help me with stand the multiple teeth jokes and photoshop pictures my roommate barads me with daily...I have decided to face my fear and try to find the beauty of teeth. Behold:

Mint Teeth by Kiyomi Kimble

Teeth Cards by Two Sarahs

Triskaidekaphobia Necklace

Frozen Smiles(Nightmares) Ice Cube Tray

Ok, so I feel a little bit better. I actually really like the teeth necklace. Hopefully my dreams/nightmares wont be filled with cartoonish soldier teeth taking me to the firing squad for this one.

So now it's your turn. Face your fears!

What we do to Keep the Rent Down and the Memories Pumping

I have been living in my same apartment in NYC for about 5 years...the longest time for me in any place since my childhood home that I left at 14.

Its one of those cozy small east village apartments where you can hear the chair squeek from any room in the place. Though its small, its got the works (dishwasher, washer/dryer/airports galore (ok so those came from my techie roommates but still counts as perks)) but most importantly we pay way way under market value for our place. In all our years our landlord never raised the rent, except once when we asked him after the first year about if he was going to raise the rent, "Oh, raise the rent? Uh ok I raise it $100". This is very unheard of for a New York apartment, they try to get you anyway they can....usually sideways and dirty. But I will just say that our landlord is very connected in some sort of "underground" "business" if you catch my drift. So when the landlord asks for a favor, you pretty much say "yes sir" and make it happen.

So, the other day our landlord asked us to make my bedroom look not like a bedroom. "Just take the bed out". Not as easy as it sounds, cause where the hell do you hide a bed, "You just hide it under another bed," he suggests. Right. Obviously we don't ask why we must do this...one because we like a knee caps and two we pretty much already knew it had something to do with building permits/taxes/shady ass shit.

As I was still in SF my roommates made this masterpiece happen...and our landlord was more than pleased....

The area in the back where the two chairs are is actually where my bed normally is. They did a great job...but just imagine if you had a room in your small ass apartment that was devoted as a lounge/computer room located right off your living room...instead of say having a dinning table or something else more useful...

When you do a favor for the m*b, you have a favor waiting for you...cheap ass rent...

Another Cheap Ass Haircut or All I want is Bang Bang Bangs

It's going to be a good year...17 days in and I've already accomplished my resolution...keep going to the gym and get a haircut. Done and done!

As I said in an earlier post I needed a haircut badly! My last one was in July from my friend Gardner, so you do the math...I was looking pretty raggedy. While I was in SF, I started asking everyone with a cute haircut where they got it, hoping to find a cheap ass gem from someone...and as it was CA, I'll be all cliche and say "Eureka I found it"! (Thats our motto for all you non California residents)

I was recommended to go to The Public Barber Salon by a girl with super cute hair, and even more was told to go see Sarah. The deal with this place is that a hair cut is $35 (yeah awesome prices!) and that everything like a shampoo and blow dry cost you more. So this is kinda cheating cause as a lady getting a cut we always get the blow dry, not to mention that more precise cutting of the hair is also done after the hair is dried...so really there is no way to get the $35 hair cut...instead my cut was $50 plus tip. So more pricey than I usually pay, Nothing-Free, but holy crappy what an amazing hair cut for the money!

I also decided I needed a whole new look for the year...was getting very bored with the same old graduated bobs I have been doing for years.

So here it is...

BANGS!

So this picture is horrible, as I am currently a hott mess laying in bed in my PJs and not about to take a picture right now (but what a night! nyc I remember why I love you so, sorry for the mind lapse), and I realized as I starting writing this post that I have no other pictures of my haircut yet, so shut up, stop judging and behold the choppy bangy shag I am sporting as of now.

Also I have come to realize my haircut is very similar to my brother's and no one has held back in saying so. Hi twinsies!

So hello 2010 and to having to flat iron my hair every morning! In love!

I heart YOKOO

So awhile back I won an amazing giveaway from Yokoo. If you have never seen her Etsy store, you should definitely check it out. I've been obsessed with her stuff for awhile, but it's always been a little too expensive for my cheap lifestyle, so I was so excited to find out I had won one of her amazing chain link scarves.

Yokoo became known not only becuase she knit really interesting eye-catching pieces, but also because of her quirky photography she took of herself modeling her goods. Check out this NYTimes article about her and other Etsy sellers. WOW!

Yokoo's Flicker

Inspired by her pictures and deeply excited to show off my new scarf, I emailed her my very own Yokoo inspired picture of myself in my new scarf.

I need a haircut...badly...and it better be cheap!

I'm an AUNTIE!

So this morning it finally happened...the Mission Madre had her wee one after almost 30hrs in labor.

I didn't know how I would be during the birth, but it was absolutely one of the most beautiful things I have ever seen! He almost just shot right out of her...the Madre was strong, amazing and ridiculously funny. Between the two of us, Auntie K and the Dr., everyone was laughing the whole way through. Also have to mention how amazing, attentive and patient her husband was, good job D!

I'm so happy and proud that I was there! I learned that if I ever have a baby, I'm saying yes to a petoson and definitely yes to an epidural (DRUGS please!)...and definitely having the Madre there as my doula cause she was a pushing champ!